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a beautiful corpse

Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

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  2011.03.30  08.47


He: We should buy this school bus
Me: it has mildew. I think we'd have to torch it.
He: This just gets better and better!



 
 


 
  2011.01.18  14.05
patently

(01:58:44 PM) me: and I mean, obviously, things are, mumble mumble, clearly, right?

(01:56:08 PM) dmitri: well, when you put it like that





Mood: amused
 
 


 
  2010.12.07  20.43


me: youtube comment: "i want to mcdonal her with my mcnuggets"

me: what does that even mean

dmitri: well, mcnuggets are chicken nuggets

dmitri: mcdonal is not a verb I am familiar with



 
 


 
  2010.08.21  15.02


Q: What is the song "Easy Skanking" about?

A: Skanking it easy.

 
 


 
  2010.08.19  07.46
Maybe

I don't miss you as much as the idea that there was some good in you.



 
 


 
  2010.08.10  22.52
Today there was blood in my nose for no apparent reason.

Tomorrow's Wednesday, which means the day after that is Thursday which means tasty-lunch then after that is Friday!
This is more or less how I can expect to spend most of my life.



 
 


 
  2010.08.02  08.13


I had a dream that a semi-famous artist person* showed up at lunch, but I didn't mention that I knew who she was and followed her work because I thought it would be weird. Then I nodded as she talked about something I'd already read about on her blog. But then we all started talking about new things and it was nice. Ironically, we talked about dreams.

* like Kate Beaton, but not Kate Beaton, perhaps Fictional Kate Beaton if she is taller and uses bright colors.



 
 


 
  2010.07.27  02.50


I live across the parking lot from where I used to live, for most of my life I guess.
Usually I don't really think about it. I was elsewhere for like two or three years and they repainted the buildings so I don't like accidentally go to the old place or even think about how it is the old place, I just walk by it like all the others.
Other times it's kind of nice. It is a really convenient spot and I know where things are and such.
And sometimes it makes me want to scream.



 
 


 
  2010.07.16  03.51
Joke made up in my sleep at four in the morning not guaranteed to be funny

"I think we have some sort of turkey grease problem."
"What sort of turkey grease problem?"
"The first step is admitting it!"



 
 


 
  2010.07.05  21.25
The Condensed Triple-Tarantino Romeo and Juliet

The friar dude establishes that Juliet will be unconscious for three hours but Romeo finds her pretty quick and like it's a bad episode of Frasier he thinks she's dead but unlike a bad episode of Frasier he's got about three hours left to just blah blah blah before swallowing his skull and crossbones bottle like a pussy then she wakes up to find her dead boyfriend and just wants to snuff it but she hears people coming and says "I'll be brief" and you are like "thank god" and then she knifes herself out like a pro.

But before that Romeo has his badass moment when Tybalt is all "I hate you! Kill me bro!" and Romeo is like "no" so Tybalt stabs Mercutio and Romeo is like "walk it off man; it can't be that bad" but it is that bad and Romeo offs Tybalt after all for being a dick and killing his boy, so the prince or whoever is all "GTFO or die" but Romeo decides he likes having sex with his wife better than skipping town so he does that instead.

But before that Romeo gatecrashes this party, because the Capulets have the best booze I guess, and this chick Juliet is there, and he thinks she's really hot even though their families hate each other, so he decides to sneak around in her garden like a creeper and hears her talking about how hot this Romeo guy is, and he calls out to her and naturally she wants to know who this guy is sneaking around her garden but instead of being freaked and disgusted and having him carted away they have a confab about nomenclature and decide to get married, so after a while they go to Romeo's buddy the friar who says he'll marry them but he's not leaving them alone together until then.



 
 


 
  2010.07.05  12.39
Soap Reviews

A thirty-two-ounce bottle of Doctor Bronner's will last you longer than you'd expected.

Tide Original Scent doesn't smell as good as you'd remembered.

Maybe it wasn't Original you'd wanted after all.

Maybe it was the atmosphere of another time when anything seemed possible and love was the one thing you were sure of.

Maybe it was Clean Breeze.



 
 


 
  2010.05.05  07.55
Cause and Effect

Mister Katims has had a significant aversion to entering boxes since that time he went in the cat carrier and then those people cut his gonads out. Apparently you need testicles to go into a box.



 
 


 
  2010.03.19  09.13
movies, books, vampires

I saw Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland a week or so ago. It wasn't what I was expecting at all, and there were a few lines I would like to have heard that weren't there, but I really liked it. It sort of reminded me of Narnia, in an odd way, but it was much better than that movie (haven't read those books yet). Sometimes I couldn't understand what the heck Johnny Depp was saying, which was unfortunate. It did really annoy me that they kept calling the Jabberwock the "Jabberworky". Every time they did so it annoyed me anew.

So that moved me to finally read Alice's Adventures in Wonderland which I finished yesterday. Burton is definitely right about it not being so much a story as a sequence of events, and I found a lot of the events kind of dull. The only thing that really struck me is that the caterpillar says "I don't know" rather than "I do not know". I think I prefer a caterpillar that doesn't use contractions. Alice can really be a bitch sometimes, but after the tea party she finally lightens up. Hopefully she'll be more fun in the sequel.

Also, I finally got around to seeing Avatar with my mum over Spring break (although not in 3D). I wouldn't go so far as to say that it's bad, but it wasn't that good, and it's way too long.

So now I'm reading Carmilla, which so far has been much less boring than Dracula, which was so boring that I never finished it.

These nineteenth-century English authors all sound really educated with the words and phrases they choose, or at other times just peculiar. I wonder if it is actually the case (seems plausible based on my experiences in U.S. public schools) or if it's just a product of the evolution of common speech. More likely it's due to a third reason, but I don't have time to get into that right now.

 
 


 
  2010.03.16  12.20
"You think you've got problems"

"I have a hicky and no idea who put it there "



 
 


 
  2010.02.02  20.31
Ow-earlies

I made some hourly comics this year, although I did not finish the day.
You can see them on the Internet:
http://twitpic.com/10vopo
http://twitpic.com/10w7wo
http://twitpic.com/10x2k3
http://img389.yfrog.com/i/66123652.jpg/
I hope you like them. If you are disappointed that my day was boring imagine how I felt.

 
 


 
  2010.01.12  19.27


"You're not pissed because I used you?"
"I'm hurt that you won't."

 
 


 
  2010.01.10  18.51
Everyone laughed at me when I grew a beard

"It's Winter", I said.

"You live in Florida", they said.



 
 


 
  2010.01.05  19.17
We all should.



 
 


 
  2009.12.08  22.49
I don't know how things got so out of hand.

"Anyone want to go out to eat with me?" my friend Meghan posted to her Facebook profile.

"Yes," I typed, "I know this really great place in Fort Myers. I'll totally meet you there. Start driving."

I didn't actually want to go to Fort Myers, but it sure would be funny when she drove 120 miles and I never showed up. And she'd still be hungry! Oh, what a prank it would have been. I polished of my carefully crafted deception with a semicolon-parenthesis.

Then her friend saw it and asked "What is the great place in Fort Myers?" What could I say? I didn't know any restaurants in Fort Myers! I could look one up, but what if it was terrible?

It was all falling apart.

I'd become trapped in my web of lies, like a spider who lies a lot and makes silk from the lies and then gets trapped somehow in the web he's made.

Of lies.



 
 


 
  2009.11.22  14.04
Trying my hand at a very short story

"I love you."

"I love you more."

"No, I love you more!"

"Seriously, bitch? Remember that time in Atlanta?"

"Oh, right."



 
 


 
  2009.11.16  23.25


There's supposed to be a meteor shower tonight, but it's all cloudy and it doesn't look like it's going to stop being that way.

I'm pretty sure God is fucking with me.

I'm still not sure if there's a good reason for it.



 
 


 
  2009.11.06  17.29


This is the second time I've had a sex dream about a particular friend of mine, and the first time she was instigating and I was really uncomfortable about the whole thing, but this time it was normal. I'm not sure why that should be.



 
 


 
  2009.11.06  09.07
I wonder if it's true

I just met a man on the street who was looking for the Bank of America, and I didn't know where it was so we were about to part ways when I realized I have Google Maps on my iPhone (this never occurs to me when people are asking for directions for some reason). So I looked it up and it turns out that bank right next to where I work that I never think about is a Bank of America. I always come at it from the back so I never saw the sign. So now we're both walking in the same direction and talking about the weather and such and we go by the art museum and he tells me a story.

Apparently, he worked for the Smithsonian for 17 years in "the protections division". And he said he actually got to meet Salvador Dali. I asked him what he was like and he said "he was an asshole" and told me about how Dali was all about underdogs and such. So this one time he was doing at some banquet, and Salvador Dali made all the muckamucks get up from the table and let the guards sit down.



 
 


 
  2009.11.01  10.20
Stargate: Universe

  1. The humans have a problem.
  2. Destiny (that's the ship) comes out of "FTL"* near a star system with the solution.
  3. It may be a two parter.

This is going to get old fast.


* for some reason it was very important to the writers to point out that this was "not hyperspace" but aside from a different special effect I'm not sure what the big idea is.



 
 


 
  2009.10.28  20.11


Today Erik said I was "hostile" with the Microsoft guy. When I questioned him about this, he said that "hostile" was not the right word, but he did not offer a better one.

This is a problem I have, with people. I am nearly always me. I am not dishonest enough.



 
 


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